If You Only Knew I Loved You
by typewriter junkie
Summary: First and foremost, this is a HinataNaruto story. The basic idea is that they're having a conversation with the same person every chapter. Every chapter is a songfic from either Hinata or Naruto's POV. Got it? Hope you like.
1. Roses

_Turn around there's those eyes again_

_Turn around big indifference and I_

_Watch the cold, dark silhouettes dissappear_

Hallucinations. I hate them. I hate them so much. And you know why? Of course you don't. It's because it's always Naruto. Always. Every time I close my eyes, or look behind me, or even turn a corner. He's always there, his sky blue eyes sparkling. I hate it. I can never concentrate on anything because his face always pops into my head. Then I turn around, and I see a shadow fade. Probably it's Kiba or something, just trying to scare me. Again.

Sometimes I tell myself I hate him for doing this to me. But then there's that little corner of my mind that tells me that the fact is, I don't hate him. I don't hate him at all. And I know it. Everybody knows it. Except for **him.** Okay, fine. Except for Naruto. Satisfied?

_A hundred bodies fill this room_

_And all their faces overdone_

_Pain is foreign, foreign to us_

Everybody always says, "Don't worry, Hinata. Your time will come." Big fake smiles. Big. Fake. Smiles. You know what, maybe I'm just not cut out for love. Maybe it's just not going to happen for me. But, seriously, how long have I like this guy?

Hold on...

No idea. Lost count. But it was a long time. And he still is completely oblivious to the fact. Isn't it obvious? Or maybe this is partly my fault, actually. I never told him...but still! COME ON! FIGURE IT OUT!

You know, I bet everybody who keeps "reassuring" me has never been rejected. Except Sakura. Sakura knows what it feels like.

_I don't even know you_

_You won't even know I'm gone_

_Was it something I did wrong?_

I guess I'm pretty much ready to give him up. Just take a big eraser and wipe the chalkboard that is my mind clean of the part that is fixated on Naruto. He might not even know who I am anymore. It's been a long time since I last saw him. Ten years or so.

I've changed.

I'm not that timid little girl who sat in the back of the back of the classroom anymore. I'm a pretty tough person now. And angry. Kind of. I still wear that jacket though...Heh, it still fits kind of.

Back to my Naruto issue.

You know, maybe it **was** my fault. I never really talked to him, huh? I still showed I cared though...did I?

_Roses, roses cold_

_Roses, roses sold out_

_Turn around reds and whites again_

_I'd sell my kicks for one more low tar_

_Fevers hand in hand with shoelace bracelets_

You might have figured this out already, but I think a lot of people (_cough_, _cough_, Ino) are very fake. Colors and rainbows and eternal sunshine! **No.** Hell, I'd sell all the happiness in the world for just one day without them.

They're all friends forever. I'm just an outsider. No one really gets me. And no, I'm not being emo.

_Why are some girls so naive?_

_He didn't unbutton your blouse to see_

_A better view of your heart_

_Oh yeah, can't blame you for trying_

Oh yeah, did I tell you? Nope. Well, Sakura and Sasuke slept together. Don't act so surprised, it was bound to happen someday. She was telling me the experience in extreme detail just a little while ago.

_Ahem._

So apparently when he unbuttened her shirt she had no idea what he was doing. Uhm. Okay, Sakura. It's not like he did that just for the heck of it. And you only realized it when he kissed you...

And Sakura, why did you tell me this anyway? I barely even know you.

I'd say the rest of what she said but it's a bit too risqué for me to handle and it'll make me want to clean my tongue for the next three days.

_I don't even know you_

_You won't even know I'm gone_

_Was it something I did wrong?_

The only way I know who the heck she is is because she was in Naruto's group. And even then I didn't know very much. Only that she wore a red dress and had pink hair. She probably wouldn't notice if I walked out in the middle of a conversation with her.

Then again...that might be my fault too. I didn't really talk to her either.

Sigh...

Seems like I did everything wrong.

_Roses, roses cold_

_Roses, roses sold out_

_Sing it soft_

_Make it slow_

_Apples parachute the boys back down_

_Fill it up_

_Overflow_

_A new improved, modern way to feel_

Have you noticed that Neji's not around? Hm? He's dead. KIA. It happened about a month or two ago. Kiba told me about it. or rather just yelled across the room. He said just like it was, nothing to cushion the blow. Though if he was a bit nicer he would've.

"Hey Hinata, Neji got killed!" That's it. Then he went off to do something.

I cried though.

I would've thought Kiba'd at least be a little upset. But **nooo**...he always has to be the **big macho man**. Pshaw. Idiot.

But that's also my fault. I guess.

_I don't even know you_

_You won't even know I'm gone_

_I dont even know you_

_You wont even know I'm gone_

_Was it something I did wrong?_

_Was it something I did wrong?_

_Was it something I did_

_Wrong?_

Yeah. I did everything wrong.


	2. Monster

_His little whispers,_

_"Love me, love me_

_That's all I ask for,_

_Love me, love me"_

I never really was cared about. I never knew my parents. I never really had friends. I was always picked on. I was never noticed. I never did well in class. I was always looked down upon for reasons unknown to me.

Then.

I know the reasons now. I apparantly had killed tons of people when I was only a baby. The nine-tailed demon fox was sealed inside of me when I was only a newborn. The only way to save the village was to seal it inside a newborn. And then I wonder. I always wonder. Why **me**? Why not someone else?

All I ask for was to be cared about. Is that too much?

_He battered his tiny fists_

_To feel something_

_Wonder what it's like to touch_

_And feel something_

They all think I'm some sort of freak thats wants attention. Idiots. But the second part is true. Sort of. But still, they don't know that when I was younger, I used to go out to the woods every night and beat up trees.

You don't understand.

I mean I used to practice on trees. I kicked them, I threw shurikens at them, I rammed myself into them, the whole schmeer. It wasn't so much what you'd call training as it was working out my frustration at the world.

_Monster,_

_How should I feel?_

_Creatures lie here_

_Looking through the windows_

The world had left me without a family, friends, a home, a warm hand to hold, it had left me with **nothing**. And as I stood in my misery I watched all the other kids my age play with their friends, their parents giving them fond looks. And when their warm, loving eyes saw me they turned cold and spiteful. I was a little kid. I didn't understand. I grew angry.

How else could I feel? They peered down their noses at me, seeing nothing but the demon sealed within me. Pushing aside the little orphan boy on his own. That's where the trees came in. Trees didn't care who you were, where you came from, what happened in your past. They didn't care how badly you screwed them up, so long as you left them standing. And sometimes they didn't care if you didn't.

_That night he caged her_

_Bruised and broke her_

_He struggled closer_

_Then he stole her_

_Violette wrists and then her ankles_

_Silent pain_

_Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams_

I was always careful to surround myself with trees. Always. Then I turned to my left side and slowly walked towards the tree that was now in front of me. And then I gave it a good hard whack. That first whack always got me angry. And scraped my knuckles.

And then I'd think of everyone in my class that had ever teased, bullied or scrutinized me. Everyone who ever looked down their noses at me. Everyone who ever left me standing alone, their cold, hard eyes burned into my memory.

I'd keep going until the trees were so badly torn and cut that they were hardly recognizable. Or until my knuckles and wrists and ankles were bruised, violette, and bleeding.

Everyone thought of pain was some sort of punishment. I thought of pain as my escape from the world.

_Monster,_

_How should I feel?_

_Creatures lie here_

_Looking thorugh the windows_

_I will_

_Hear their voices_

_I'm a glass child_

_I am Hannah's regrets_

They all whispered. All of them. They'd glance and turn to the person next to them and whisper. As if I couldn't hear them. As if I was invisible and deaf. As If I was a glass child. I was the village's little reject.

I'd sit alone on the swing and everyone else would whisper. That's the most horrible feeling in the world, you know. To hear people talking and you know that it's about you, but you can't here what they're saying. You don't know if it's good or bad or meaningless. But in my case. I knew it was bad. I knew it. You know why? Because I always caught six words.

"He deserves what's happening to him."

And yet I didn't.

Iruka Sensei once told me the Fourth Hokage told him that he meant for me to be looked on as a hero, not a villian. Turns out his wish went backwards and if there's a God up there, he obviously got drunk the day he set my fate.

_Monster,_

_How should I feel?_

_Turn the sheets down_

_Murder ears with pillow lace_

_There's bathtubs full of glowflies_

_Bathe in kerosene_

_They were tattooed in his veins_

I want to stuff the'r ears with whatever I can get. ANd many times I've been tempted to fill the bathtub full of kerosene, get in it, and light a match. But if I did, I know it would be a sign of self-hatred.

And it's all your fault. Everyone who wrote those six words in my mind with blood. It's all your fault.


	3. Cardigan Weather

_I saw you with her dear._

_You tried to hide away._

_She left through the back door._

_You always had your secret ways._

I am pissed right now. So very pissed. Okay, so my reason is pretty stupid, but still. If you saw what I saw and you were me, how else would you feel? Huh? I never want to see him again. Ever. I'm never going to speak to him, look at him, think of him, or notice him. Okay, fine.

I saw Naruto with Ino. **FRIKIN' INO.** How the hell does that work out? Tell me. You can't. Exactly. How the hell did she all of a sudden want to be with Naruto? She always thought he was the most annoying person in the entire frikin' world.

It's unexplainable.

**AND THEY WERE KISSING! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT?** Okay I'll stop yelling.

_Sob._

I'm not crying. I'm not going to cry, godammit! I'm not going to cry!

_Crash._

Sorry.

_I acted so serene._

_I was so drowsy then._

_My fault._

_I'm so careless._

_I gave you one too many pills._

I mean, I didn't say anything. I didn't move. I was just...there. I watched. It wasn't just a quick kiss. It was a make-out fest. They were literally eating each other's faces. It could've been my imagination.

Actually, no, it couldn't.

Okay, I drank a little, my mind was a little foggy. But it wouldn't matter if you were on the verge of passing out. That was frikin' face suck. But like I said before, it's my fault. This world is twisted.

_My oh my._

_My alibi._

_Restore my fate in these._

_Words so clear._

_My failure dear._

_Lies tucked away in me._

_Sob._

I don't have any excuses, you know. I don't know whether or not to hate him or not. I just dont know. I could hear him so clearly.

"I love you, Ino."

My god. I've failed.

_You wanted to play this game._

_I'll play it too._

_Come here baby I will show you what this girl can do._

_A mattress for a coffin suites you very fine._

_You'll feel me with my others as you're sewn under the seams._

You know what. I'll do the exact some thing. I'll get together with Lee or someone. We'll see if he gets jealous or not. Maybe he'll die in his sleep. Maybe. I hope not.

You'll see what I can do. You'll see.

_My oh my._

_My alibi._

_Restore my fate in these._

_Words so clear._

_My failure dear._

_Lies tucked away in me._

It's payback time.


End file.
